


Beginnings of a Dream

by Gabriels_Mourning



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, mergana - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 08:21:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4739411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabriels_Mourning/pseuds/Gabriels_Mourning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Nightmare Begins rewrite, where Merlin chooses NOT to listen to the naysayers, and instead reveals his magic to Morgana to support her when she comes to him in fear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beginnings of a Dream

Merlin Season 2

The Nightmare Begins.

* * *

 

Merlin made his way through the lab, blowing out the candles as he readied himself for bed.  He hated this.  There had to be something else, something better to be doing.  He felt so useless.  So utterly useless.  For once, he was in a position to help someone, to be there for someone as Gaius had been there for him, as his mother had, as Will had.  But he couldn’t.  It was the worst of torments.  Morgana needed someone.  Maybe not him.  He thought of that.  If there was some way.  Anonymous letters, perhaps?  An illusion in her mirror.  Something.  He looked up as the door opened suddenly, and his breath caught in his throat. 

Morgana strode in quickly, her shoes clicking on the floor in her haste.  Her cream sleeping dress was brocaded in lace designs that paled next to her own exquisite beauty.  Her hair was unbound, scattered about her like soft down feathered wingtips.  Her fear was palpable, but as ever, Merlin felt his heart quicken at the mere sight of her.  He couldn’t help it.  She was beauty itself.  Every other woman Merlin had ever looked on paled in comparison.

“Is Gaius here?”  Her fearful tones drew him from his contemplation of her quickly, though not quickly enough. 

_Focus, Merlin.  She’s scared._

“Uh, no.  He’s not here at the moment.  Should be back soon, though.”  She kept walking towards him and he couldn't help but notice how full of glistening, unshed tears her eyes were.  He quickly swallowed and loosed his clenched teeth at the ache she brought about him.  Eyes like those should never be filled with tears.  Her lips were pale and drawn, but it made him want to crush her to him and promise that everything would be alright.  To reassure her that she wasn’t alone.  That she wasn’t a monster.  That who she was was beautiful.  He squashed those feelings down as hard as he could. 

“I need to speak to him.  Where is he?”  She looked so vulnerable.  Like she’d been betrayed by life.  It wasn’t fair.  The voices of Kilgarrah and Gaius and their pompous warnings murmured in his mind.

“He’s gone to see the King.”  She looked on the verge of losing her control and he felt like it was his fault.  Morgana’s desperation was beginning to damage his calm.  He was nervous, more so than normal, because he could help her.  He had the power to help her, the knowledge, didn’t he?  Why shouldn’t he help someone in need?  Because he didn’t want to help her for its sake alone.  He wanted to help her because of how he felt about her.  Because she was precious to him.  Because she was worth a thousand of him.  “What’s wrong?”  Surely just talking wouldn’t hurt.  To be there for her, even if only as a friend.  Let alone anything else.

Her perfectly bowed lips opened and she stared at him, but couldn’t bring herself to speak.  He knew that feeling.  Gods, how he knew that feeling.  She turned away, unsure, and he felt the breaking of her gaze keenly.  Merlin’s own mouth was parted, ready to blurt out anything, just to make her stay.

“You can trust me, Morgana.”  She turned back to him and again those incredible eyes locked with his.  _I’m here for you.  I swear I am.  I’ll be here for you whenever you need.  For whatever you need.  I’m yours._   “You know you can.”  _Talk to me.  Please.  See me._

Morgana shook her head slightly, but something changed in her tear paled eyes.  Her mouth twitched lightly, and Merlin licked his lips as it hung there between them. She took a breath. 

“I’m scared, Merlin,” she began.  He stared at her, willing her to go on, to trust him.  “I don’t understand anything, anymore.  I need to know what’s happening.”  _You’re magic.  Not just in how you are, but who you are, too.  You have magic.  You have the gift.  Just say it.  Say it._ Gaius’s murmured warnings sunk his mind momentarily in fear that he couldn’t shake.  Merlin closed his mouth and swallowed.

“Please,” she begged.  Merlin’s heart broke.  He blinked, trying to keep the disgust he felt with himself from showing in his face.  His tone couldn’t hide the pain he felt at the lie he told.

“Gaius will be back soon.  He’ll be able to help you.”  She shook her head and stepped forwards, backing Merlin up.  If she came close enough, he’d hold her.  He’d reach out and put his hands on the King’s ward, if only to… _Only to what, Merlin?  You know why you want to touch her.  Because she’s not just magic, she’s life, to you.  She’s everything you never knew you wanted.  For pity’s sake, Merlin, don’t lose it.  You’re too close.  You’re going to get executed and then what, how will Arthur reach his destiny if you’re in two pieces because you can’t keep your hands to yourself?_   Morgana stared at him imploringly, as though she knew he held her secrets, and held the answers she sought. 

“He won’t.  I don’t want any more remedies.  They won’t do any good.”  The catch in her voice made his hands twitch beside him.  He leaned forward, even as he stepped back, wanting so badly to hold her.  It was only the two of them.  It wasn’t as if there was anything to stop him.  She pursed her lips and he stared, open mouthed, as his mind’s eyes showed him all the things he was trying to stop himself from wanting. 

“It’s magic, Merlin.”  She knew.  She understood.  She was his chance, his opportunity to speak with someone other than Gaius.  Someone who understood what it was like, in this kingdom, in this time, to have magic and to fear for it.  Her fear was so palpable.  He had to help.  Unless she didn’t mean her own.  Unless… 

“What?”  His fearful tone was almost unbelieving.  She’d said magic.  She thought it was magic and if she was paying attention, she’d see right through him.

“I’m your friend.  You know I wouldn’t make this up.”  She implored him and he couldn’t deny her that.  He did believe her.  That was the problem.  She was in danger.  Who knew what Uther would do if he found out.  _I know.  That’s why I’m afraid.  It’s one of the reasons I’m afraid._   _But yes, I believe you.  How could I not?_

“Of course.”

“And you believe me?”  To be believed in.  The irony.  But what could he say?  How could he help her and still keep her safe, not just from Uther, but from the uncertainty of what she was going through.  He wasn’t cut out for this.  He wasn’t wise or philosophical.  He was just Merlin.  And Merlin wasn’t good enough this time.  His chest ached and he searched fruitlessly for an answer that wouldn’t come.  His consternation played on his face and her eyes widened in excited intuition.

“You think it’s magic, too.”  He opened his mouth to deny her, but the words wouldn’t form.  He couldn’t lie to her about it.  He was going to tell her everything, consequences be damned.

“Please, Merlin.”  She was begging him.  This beautiful, strong, incredible being of will was begging him, Merlin, for… what?  Validation?  Comfort?  What the hell could he ever offer someone like her?

“I just need to hear someone say it, so I don’t have to keep feeling like I’m imagining it.”  Her voice was so soft, keeping their conversation to themselves.  He didn’t know if she realised she’d left the door open on her way in but it didn’t matter.  Could he deny her that?  He was nodding his confirmation and her eyes fixed on him as if he were the only person in the world.  Merlin couldn’t understand how his heart could break so many times in a single breath as he accepted what he had to do.  Morgana couldn’t believe that she had magic.  How she’d react, how Uther would react, it all hinged.  What if her destiny, her fate could be changed simply by denying the magic that raged inside of her.  Gaius was a library of knowledge on sorcerous lore unto himself.  Kilgarrah was a dragon of age and wisdom.  Surely they knew better than he.  He made his choice.  And his heart broke all over again.

“I really wish there was something I could say.”  He shook his head slightly, denying it even as he said it.  _It’s a lie, but I have to.  I don’t know how to help you other than this.  What I want isn’t important, Morgana, I’m doing this for you.  I don’t know what else to do to help you._   Her eyes stared at him in betrayal, the expression on her face ripping his soul into pieces.  Her pale green eyes stared at him accusingly.  _She thinks I’m a coward.  She **knows** I’m a coward.  What else do I have to sacrifice?  She’ll never smile at me again.  Don’t leave, Morgana, I’m sorry.  I can’t tell you everything… I can’t even tell you anything.  _ She backed off, incredulous and accusatory.  He didn’t follow, because he wasn’t worthy.  _She’s got nothing now.  I was all she had.  I’ve betrayed her._ She turned and her face crumpled as she looked away from him, striding towards the door. 

“Morgana!” he called, but she didn’t turn, her hand going up to her eyes.  He’d made her cry.  _Kilgarrah forgive me.  But I won’t be her tears.  I can’t.  I’m all she has._

Deep in the cavern below, Kilgarrah opened his aged eyes and the light flared in them.  _**“NO, MERLIN!”**_ But the young warlock was already raising his hand and the dragon’s shout faded from his mind as the magic flowed through him.

“ ** _Beclýsan_**.”  The door swung shut in front of Morgana’s hand, even as she reached for it.  Time stood still as Morgana stared at the door, her mind working through the possibilities.  Hope sprung back into her eyes and she whirled around, facing Merlin.  He looked so dejected and sorrowful that for a moment, her certainty wavered. She stared at him.  He was Merlin.  Skinny, broad shoulders and deliciously sharp cheekbones that brought all attention to his lips.  The smile that almost every chambermaid agreed was worth the ears, even though Morgana thought they were cute, too.  And his eyes.  Like the souls of diamonds, cobalt blue and saw right through you.  But he was still Merlin.  A sorcerer in the heart of Camelot.  One who had just placed his life in her hands.  He looked as though he expected her to call for the guard.  She moved closer into the room, closer to him.  He didn’t look up until she stood up against him and tilted his head so that she could stare into his eyes, make him see that she was speaking the truth.

“Truth for truth?” she offered, her voice barely above a whisper.  He nodded slowly, his hands by his sides.  “I swear I won’t tell anyone.”  Merlin scoffed and shook his head, staring into her eyes. Her face hardened and he snagged her wrist when she moved to back away.

“I’m sorry.”  His mouth stretched around the words, and then he sighed again.  “I’m scared too.” 

“You don’t have to be.  Not of me.” 

 ** _“But for you.”_**   Her eyes widened as she stared at him, feeling him deep in the silence of her mind.  Out in the hallways, Gaius’s distinctive shuffle echoed down through the halls.  “Gaius.”  She nodded.

“Come to my chambers after the watch starts tomorrow night.  We’ll talk.”  She hesitated a moment by the door and her glorious eyes held Merlin breathless. **_“Merlin.  Thank you.”_**   And then she was gone.  Merlin stood, staring at the door and working his mouth soundlessly.   Gaius came in, looking back over his shoulder.

“Did you give her the right one, Merlin?”  His head jerked to the side as he tried to follow what Gaius was saying.

“What have I done?”  He tried to smile disarmingly and Gaius shook his head disapprovingly.  

“The sleeping draught, Merlin.  Morgana said she’d spilt it because of her nerves.”  Merlin nodded, not trusting himself to speak at first before he realised that Gaius was peering at him suspiciously.

“I had to lie to her and tell her that I thought it would make her feel better, but I gave it to her.  Same one as you last did.  Is that right?”  Gaius huffed softly and unslung his ever present medical bag from his shoulder and hung it up on the hook beside the door.

“I know you don’t like lying to her, Merlin, but it’s for the best.  Whatever you’ve said to her, it’s the first time in weeks that I’ve seen her smile.  You’re a good lad.  Now, if she’s taken more of the tincture, I suppose we’ll have to make another batch.”  Merlin looked at Gaius blankly.

“Which means you’ll need to gather some herbs, Merlin.  Yes?”  Merlin nodded. 

“Right, of course.”  He grabbed his satchel and moved towards the door. 

“Merlin?” Gaius’s voice was bemused.  The young warlock grunted in absent confusion.

“It’s nearly midnight.  Tomorrow will be fine.”  Merlin looked down at his bare feet and then at the satchel in his hands. 

“Right.  Night then.”  He dropped the satchel on the table and went straight to his small bedroom.  Gaius smiled indulgently. 

“Merlin, she might have been in her nightgown, but she’s just a girl.  You’re going to have to talk to one of them sooner or later.”  He turned back and gave his mentor a slight smile.

“Morgana is anything but just a girl, Gaius.  Goodnight.”  He closed the door as Gaius blew out the remaining candles, pausing in front of the potion stand and counting the bottles standing there, clearly labelled and all accounted for.  His gaze went to Merlin's closed door and he frowned.

  

* * *

 

 

The next night came far too quickly, and found Merlin sitting on his bed restlessly.  He hadn’t seen Morgana all day, except for a glimpse of her in the halls, far away.  She’d gravely and properly dipped her head to him, as a princess would in politeness to a well-known servant. 

 ** _“Merlin?”_**   He sat up in bed, fully clothed and ready.  He picked up the book and stuffed it into his jacket, behind his waistband and slipped on his boots.  

**_“Morgana.”_**   He could sense her thrilled excitement as he answered and began to quietly ease his way out of his room.  Gaius was asleep, snoring softly, and the door didn’t creak as he opened it.

 ** _“I’m ready.  Gwen’s gone.”_** She added hurriedly.  Merlin smiled to himself and made his way through the deserted halls of Camelot, sneaking around the guards until he was at Morgana’s door. 

He knocked on the door once and after a moment, Morgana opened it.  She stared at him and then moved back away, letting him in.  He tried to not stare guiltily, but focussed on the small bottle in his hands.  He could smell crushed rose petals and her hair, and smell the milk and honey from her bath on her skin.  He breathed in deeply and held up the bottle.

“Gaius asked me to deliver this.”

Her smile came forwards and she shut the door behind them. 

“I don’t think anyone else will be in my chambers, Merlin.  You don’t have to keep up the pretence.”  He put the bottle down nervously and turned to face her.  Faced with the sudden quiet intimacy of her room and her flushed features, Merlin couldn’t help the blush that crept up his cheeks. 

She was dressed in a different sleeping dress, this one pale purple with dark lace that clung to her body.  Merlin opened his mouth and closed it again she smiled at him disarmingly.  Her happy smile and bright eyes caught at him and he couldn’t help but stare for a moment before he sank down to sit on the bed at her side.  Morgana took a breath and smiled again, wider this time.  Solemnly, Merlin opened the book at the first page, and turned it around, staring at Morgana intently.  That soft smile and the demure downturn of her head as she moved her hair around to the other side of her neck filled the small space between them with the rose oil and musk smells of her hair and body.  Her rich, dark hair entwined around her swirling fingers as she leant towards him, staring at the book.  He breathed in deeply as she leaned in close, filling his lungs with her as she stared at the words on the page. Slowly, haltingly, her innate powers showed her the words in front of her. 

“Being to all ye with power of Old an accounting of spells, for the instruction of those burgeoning with the strengths held worthy by the Old Religion.  There are three levels of magic, as held to each of the triple goddess’s powers.  Heart of Magic; that spoken without word.  Mind of Magic; that spoken with single word and meaning.  Soul of Magic; that spoken with intent and meaning…”

The night sky shimmered far above as the two young sorcerers sat, hunched over the book in the quiet of Morgana’s room.  When the watch changed at the middle of night, she begged him not to leave.  Merlin wanted to stay, too, but instead, promised to return the next night. 

* * *

 

They continued on this way for weeks as Morgana kept learning, spending more time with Merlin.  By the time the feast of Beltane came around, she was competent with most of the base areas of sorcery, learning more every day.  Merlin would show her the different spells he’d learned and talk to her about how he used magic daily to keep Arthur safe. 

The love came later.  Day in and day out, spending time with him, Morgana found herself looking forwards more and more to Merlin’s visits.  The last time, she’d hugged him, feeling him tense and then put his arms around her.  Morgana didn’t press the issue.  She wanted to let things take their course of time.  For now, she was happy.  For now, she enjoyed the kisses he gave her on the forehead when he thought she was asleep in the early hours of the morning. The lingering touch of his fingertips through her hair as he farewelled her.  And the anticipation of what might happen each night or early morning. 

* * *

 

She had to kiss him first.  Merlin was always too respectful.  He was stunned when she did, but his smile was well worth the nerves she’d undergone. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” 

“What are you going to do now, then?  I’m just a servant.”

“Not here and now.  Not to me.” 

“What am I to you, then?”  A smile that he sold his soul for in the instant of its light enhanced her beauty beyond belief.

“You’re my best friend.  You’re all my secrets and all my fears and just…  You’re everything to me.  Do you love me?”  Merlin’s eyes closed and he nodded.  He gave in.

“More than anything.”

“Then nothing else matters.”  He sadly kissed her, all softness and tenderness as her will was steel and determination.

“I want that to be true, Morgana, I do.  But we have to face facts.  Arthur, Uther, they’ll…”  She got out of the bed and went to the window, blowing out the candle.  The pale moonlight shone through in the darkness as she moved back to the bed and gently pulled him towards her. 

“They’re not here.  Only we’re here.  That’s all that matters.  We can worry about the rest tomorrow.  Tonight, we’re the only ones that matter.”  Merlin stared at her.  She was so strong, so sure.  He almost believed her. 

She kissed him again, and then he didn’t care about his worries, because the only thing in his mind was her.


End file.
